direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
