This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
