you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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