Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
