I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
