Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize