I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
