dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
We need to rekindle our bromance
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
