about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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