Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
