I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
