I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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