if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
