Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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