You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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