The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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