Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I love how my cats smell like pot.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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