Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
