I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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