She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
