she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
