just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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