oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
