Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
