May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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