Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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