I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
My pussy is not your playground.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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