remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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