I didn't shave. On purpose
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
