Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
