Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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