and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Your penis caused this!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
