Capitaan dildo arrescate!
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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