Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She bit a glass in half.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
