I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
