mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
