when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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