I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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