Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
