He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
