Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
