Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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