how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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