Umm I'm too high to move.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
