i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
