She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
