if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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