How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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