I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
