Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
