There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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