What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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