people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
