Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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