i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
