there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
