I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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