I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
