Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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