So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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