they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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