Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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