my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
