never play flip cup with pint glasses
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
