First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
