I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
