It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize