so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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