Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
