Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
