First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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