I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
